Treatment Draft 3 (OLD NOT USED)

FEEDBACK:
Courtney: Are you going to be filming the whole film in one place?
Owen: Its good that you can keep it simple in one place to avoid practical issues.
Esther: Realistically can you use the heads office?
Tyra: I like how you can tell the theme is greed as its consistent throughout the treatment
Miss: The story is quite long, maybe it could be better if you shortened the ending because otherwise it gets a bit too deep for the film, baring in mind you've only got 5 minutes and spending lot's of time on the ending might make it boring. It's too heavy for a quick film, and should end when Ed gets taken away. You need to tie the ending up nicely, this is as important as the plot twist in the middle, you need to do it really well. One idea could be Mr Cross' next victim coming into a room and asking to borrow a pen so that the end matches the beginning.
Miss: Why does Mr Cross want pens? Where is the motivation?
Owen: Who is Mr Cross?
Miss: You should use police detective like language to bring the comedic factors
Miss: Add a shot in Mr Cross' secret room where there are pencil cases full of pens with names on them then add another shot of Mr Cross placing Ed's pencil case with the others at the end. This will help to round up the story and give it a better and more satisfying ending.

Ed is a young teenager attending school, he enjoys stealing stationary from other students and is a mischievous boy causing him to be disliked. Ed started stealing to find comfort in being alone, however he is starting to become increasingly greedy, stealing a large amount of pens at school. His proficient stealing skills results in him being offered a new opportunity, but does he turn it out down or let the greed consume him?

Ed’s rebellious nature results in him getting detention as he does not do his maths homework, his teacher, Mr Cross, gives him detention for after school to which Ed attends.

In detention Ed asks Mr Cross for a pen despite having stolen many pens that day, Mr Cross is clearly not pleased but is interrupted by a call and steps outside to take it. Ed is hungry for more pens and starts to steal a lot more of Mr Cross' pens, suddenly he can hear Mr Cross out in the hallway coming back into the classroom but he is consumed by greed and decides to risk it and take another pen. He is caught in the act by Mr Cross who stops Ed and notices his open bag full of pens he has stolen today, Mr Cross sends Ed to the Head teachers office as punishment.
Realizing that he has been caught, Ed begins to panic and worry. As he is close to arriving at the Head teachers office, he can see in the distance Mr Cross standing at the door in a stern manner, however as he approaches he can see that Mr Cross is smiling, he then says "So ... you like pens, eh?".

Unexpectedly Mr Cross exclaims how he admires Ed’s stationary stealing skills and offers him the opportunity to steal as many pens as he likes, he takes Ed to a secret room in the school that is set up with a large mind map filled with pictures of pens and people, on one side of the room is a row of pencil cases with names on each one which piques Ed's curiosity. 
Mr Cross explains to Ed his plan to steal pens back from the students. Mr Cross is motivated by his dislike of pupils who asks for pens put never return them. Ed and Mr Cross set up a incredible pen stealing network in the school, with Ed being the master stealer and Mr Cross setting Ed up.

Over a few weeks Ed begins to steal more and more pens, becoming very greedy in nature. Mr Cross offers Ed the opportunity of the ‘Ultimate Pen Heist’ in which they steal a box of red pens, which are the rarest and hardest to steal, from the Head teachers office, as Ed is consumed by greed he immediately takes up the opportunity. However, Mr Cross betrays Ed in order to steal the red pens for himself and Ed is caught by the head teacher stealing from his office and is handed over to the pen police.
At the end we see Mr Cross in the secret room placing a pencil case full of pens, with Ed's name on it, next to the other pencil cases. He then leaves the room and goes to stand outside the Headmasters office, a young boy then approaches him, smiling like before, he says to the young boy, "So ... you like pens, eh?" whilst inviting him into his secret room.

Treatment Draft 1 (OLD NOT USED)

Treatment- Ink: The Ultimate Pen Heist

Tagline- The Ultimate Pen Heist

Ed is a young teenager attending school, he enjoys stealing stationary from other students and is a mischievous boy causing him to be disliked.

Ed started stealing to find comfort in being alone, however he is starting to become increasingly greedy, stealing a large amount of pens at school. His proficient stealing skills results in him being offered a new opportunity, but does he turn it out down or let the greed consume him?

Ed’s rebellious nature results in him getting detention as he does not do his maths homework, his teacher, Mr Cross, gives him detention for after school to which Ed attends.

In detention Ed asks Mr Cross for a pen despite having stolen many pens that day, Mr Cross is clearly not pleased but is interrupted by a call and steps outside to take it. Ed is hungry for more pens and starts to steal a couple more of Mr Cross, however, he begins to steal more and more pens from Mr Cross putting them in his bag, he can hear Mr Cross out in the hallway coming back into the classroom but he is consumed by greed and decides to risk it and take another pen. He is caught in the act by Mr Cross who stops Ed and notices his open bag full of pens he has stolen today, Mr Cross sends Ed to the Head teachers office as punishment.

Realising that he has been caught, Ed begins to panic and worry. As he is close to arriving at the Head teachers office, he can see in the distance Mr Cross standing at the door in a stern manner, however as he approaches he can see that Mr Cross is smiling. Unexpectedly Mr Cross exclaims how he admires Ed’s stationary stealing skills and offers him the opportunity to steal as many pens as he likes, as long as he gives them to Mr Cross who dislikes pupils who asks for pens put never return them. Ed and Mr Cross set up a fantastic pen stealing network in the school, with Ed being the master stealer and Mr Cross setting Ed up.

Over a few weeks Ed begins to steal more and more pens, becoming very greedy in nature. Mr Cross offers Ed the opportunity of the ‘Ultimate Pen Heist’ in which they steal a box of red pens, which are the rarest and hardest to steal, from the Head teachers office, as Ed is consumed by greed he immediately takes up the opportunity.

However, Mr Cross betrays Ed in order to steal the red pens for himself and Ed is caught by the head teacher stealing from his office, Ed is suspended from school and turned over to the Pen Police whilst Mr Cross gets away with the red pens, Ed begins to realise that he is consumed by greed and his judgement was blinded so much so that he was being used by Mr Cross, Ed vows to never steal again and become less mischievous. When he returns to school he starts to become happier as he starts making new friends due to his change in nature and personality.

Story Analysis 2

STORY 1 - JOJOR
STORY 2 - ME
STORY 3 - MICHAEL


One of the problems with Story 1, is that there is no character development as there is no clear change in the character in the beginning compared to the end and so it's harder for the audience to become interested in the short film, there is no actual meaning behind it & resolution to the story, because of this it does not make sense. This can lead to the audience being confused and dissatisfied with the short, however, Story 2 does have character development whereby the main character Charlotte, learns a lesson about greed and so becomes a better person, this story is better as it teaches the audience and adds depth to the story. This also keeps the readers interested and gives them more chance of remembering the story in the future. As well as seeing a clear change in the character at the end of the story, there is also changes between other characters who are affected by Charlottes growth throughout the story. Story 3 also has some character development, also leading to the character learning not to be greedy and to be appreciative of what they have (being colour blind as opposed to being completely blind). This characters emotions play a huge role as he goes from being miserable at the beginning to even worse at the end of the story, feeling resentment and regret. This teaches people to be grateful for what they have as there is always someone worse off than you. This led to a group decision of Story 2 being better in terms of character development.

Some practical issues with Story 1 are that we would need to find a larger cast than we have available, and also someone who can drive which may be difficult as we are only 17. Also we would need to find a parent willing to play a role which may be difficult as they are often too busy to take a large amount of time out of their day for 2 or more days. This would make it difficult for us to produce the film and so we would have to make adjustments. Story 2 requires us to either use CGI or make our own 'red blob' meaning we would need very good ICT skills or to find someone who is very creative, if not done properly our film would not be taken seriously as the blob would not look real and so this is a major issue as we can't just purchase one. Also being able to see the future in the blob would be extremely difficult and possible too advanced for our technical skills. As well as this, we would also need to find 4 dogs and control them when and when we are not filming which would cause a huge distraction and could result in our film not being of a high standard. Not only this but the dogs need to be trained, which we do not have the time to do. Plus, Story 2 requires a large cast of many different clients which may be difficult to find over such short notice with little time to film, and not all of them may be able to take part in the filming. Lastly, Story 3 requires us to find someone who is able to put contact lenses in and be comfortable with putting them in on camera, this would also mean the actor would have to be the main character. Also, as we want to show nice sights for example London, we would need permission to film in areas so far away as the cameras are not ours.

In Story 1,  one logical casualty is that there is a car meant to be driving past the main character with 2 hooded figures in it, however, there is no explanation as to why the car is there, where it's going or where it came from and who the people are inside the car. This leads to confusion as the mystery still isn't resolved by the end of the story, making it irrelevant. In Story 3, one logical causality that we thought of was how this student suddenly stumbled upon the contact lenses out of all the people in the world, even though this is the foundation of our story. In Story 2 the 'blob' gives a fantasy theme and this is a logical causality as this doesn't happen everyday, and it not someone you would just expect to happen to you whilst walking in the park, but node again this is the foundation of the story and so it can be dismissed.

Article Researh

The story I have chosen is 'Mysterious Red Blob Washes Up On An Australian Beach'

Pitch: A young dog-walker becomes panicked when one of her dogs runs away and discovers a glowing red 'blob' which allows her to see the future. She wraps up the blob and takes it home. Only to find no one else can see it other than herself. She is a chosen one and finds her purpose is to help people for the greater good. However, she later becomes greedy and uses her discovery for her own benefit, resulting in a tragedy.

Tagline: Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs, but not every man's greed

Treatment:

Whilst walking 4 dogs, Charlotte starts to daydream about having special powers after watching a film called Superman the night before. While she is daydreaming she forgets about one particularly naughty dog named Red, who frees himself from his collar and runs off frequently. She is distracted when she hears her dog start to bark and notices he has gone missing. Panicking, she runs towards the sound of her dogs bark thinking the worst, talking to herself saying how his owner, an nice old man named Peter who adores Red will be devastated if she doesn't find him. Peter is always nice to Charlotte, he is unable to walk Red himself because of his age but is extremely grateful, so Charlotte doesn't charge him.

Finally, she finds Red in a ditch and calls him to get him to run back, but he doesn't move, he is distracted, barking at something she can not see. Tying the other 3 dogs to a tree, she struggles as she makes her way down the slope to grab him, when all of a sudden she too is distracted, by a red glow. Cautiously she walks towards the beam of light to see what it is, only to find a glowing gooey substance, thicker than jelly on the dirt. Red is still barking in the distance, threatened by it. While she tilts her head and moves closer to get a better look, she see's her reflection in the blob, she instantly feels obliged to take it home for further inspection. Wrapping the blob up in her white coat, she picks the rather heavy object up and covers it in order to avoid anyone seeing it.

When she gets home to places the now tainted jacket on her table and opens it, she pokes at it and pulls it but it does not break, just wobbles slightly. She puts 2 slices of bread in her toaster when it starts to glow again, she turns around and moves closer, to find a moving image appear. Fascinated, she watches as she see's a little boy on her street named Joey riding his bike and cross the road, and a car pull out of nowhere which hits him. Horrified she runs outside to see if he is okay, but there is no accident, she sighs of relief. everything is normal. She is just about to go back inside, when suddenly she hears Joey's bike bell ding, as he goes to cross the road, she shouts,

 'JOEY WAIT!' 

He stops and a car comes speeding down the road. Shocked, she stands there for a moment as Joey shouts thank you as he continues to cross the road. She sees another red glow appear from her house and runs in, looks at the blob once more to see her toast burning. Quickly she pops it up and finds it had just started to burn. She looks at the blob again and watched the glow die out. 

The next day while walking the dogs, she walks into a book store to find out more about unidentified objects, when she see's a poster on the window advertising a reading from a psychic. Grinning, she leaves the book store, takes the dogs home early, shocking the owners who are not very happy, especially Peter who feels bad that Red isn't getting his daily walks, and goes home. 

She calls a close friend named Amy and invites her over for a chat, however she has a motive, she asks Amy what her plans are on Friday, by which Amy replies with telling her about her plans to go out clubbing. Dismissing herself, Charlotte runs upstairs and asks the blob,

'What will Amy be doing on Friday?'

By which the blob responds by showing Amy arguing with her boyfriend Jack and staying in upset, overwhelmed, Charlotte informs Amy she doesn't think Jack would be too happy about her plans.

She waits until Friday, watching the clock when she receives a phone call from Amy who is sad about an argument she has had with Jack, asking Charlotte to come and keep her company. Charlotte lies and says she feels ill to Amy, leaving her friend alone and in need. This shocks Amy as its unlike her friend, but leaves it anyway.

Charlotte goes straight to her laptop and orders some business cards online from a sight with a red logo, with the slogan "success is nothing unless you have someone to share it with". On the cards she writes '100% Accurate or your money back readings for everyone from 16+ Monday to Friday, appointment only' and puts in an order for 500 cards, next day delivery. 

As the days go on she distributes her cards and receives numerous phone calls on her red answer machine looking for people to book appointments, but she deletes the ones from her friends who are saying it's difficult to get hold of her and that they miss her. After some thought she decides to charge £150 an hour for readings and becomes obsessed with the blob.

One day she tries to get a reading for her last client of the day, a young man in a red t shirt, but the blob doesn't work. In a panic she lies to the man telling him he will be rich and successful and has nothing to worry about. After a long day she proceeds to look at the blob incase there is anything wrong. The blob starts to glow, only this time it's showing her own future, she's sitting in a room upset about something and calls her friends for help, but no one answers her, she looks sad, lonely and tired. When she gets a phone call back she answers instantly, only to find it's another client, telling her she's amazing and wanting to book another appointment.

Charlotte dismisses the blobs warning and continues her business, until one day her news paper comes and she see's an add for Peter Jones, about a funeral on Saturday for all the locals who may have known him. Her eyes instantly fill with tears and she picks up the phone to call Amy, she can't believe he's gone. In need of company she calls a few more of her friends who again do not answer, but she goes on Facebook to see they're all out together without her. Angry, her face turns red and she cries even more. She looks at the blob in disgust, which loses it's redness. A client calls and she knows what they're going to say, she declines the call and throws the blob at the wall, the blob was right. 

Charlotte loses her friends as she has become blinded by greed and money, she looks at the pink £50 notes on her desk and regrets everything she has done, she picks up the phone, calls her dog walking clients and asks for her old job back, binning the business cards and picking up the red leads.

TASK 4- SCRIPT (OLD NOT USED)

SCENE 1-
INT. CHARLOTTES HOUSE. DAY. MORNING
CHARLOTTE looks into the mirror after doing up her converse shoes and puts her hair behind her ears, looks in her purse and see's that she hardly has any money

CHARLOTTE sighs

SCENE 2-

 

EXT. STREET DAY

CHARLOTTE is walking down the street and goes to peoples houses to get their dogs.

 

PETER Good morning Charlotte, he's been eager to get out today! Thank you so much for doing this Charlotte, at least let me make you a pie

 

RED *barks and jumps around*

 

CHARLOTTE LAUGHS Oh go on then, couldn't turn down one of your pies now could I! And I bet he is! I wonder what we'll find today!

 

 

 

 

SCENE 3-

 

EXT. PARK DAY

 

CHARLOTTE strolling through park looking into the distance, RED runs off and CHARLOTTE chases him

 

CHARLOTTE screams RED! RED! STOP! RED! Oh no Peter will not be happy! RED!

 

Other three dogs run alongside CHARLOTTE, RED runs down into a ditch and barks vigorously at something in the distance, CHARLOTTE ties dogs to tree and makes her way down the slope to get RED

 

CHARLOTTE calls RED! COME HERE! COME ON GOOD BOY!

 

CHARLOTTE stops and stares at what RED is barking at, slowly edging forward towards a bright red glow interested, she see's her reflection inside a red blob, is astonished and takes the blob home wrapped up in her coat, she unties the dogs and walks home.

 

 

 

SCENE 4-

 

INT. CHARLOTTES HOUSE EVENING

 

CHARLOTTE places the blob on the table in white jacket and unwraps it. She starts go poke it and pull at it but nothing happens, it does not break, just wobbles. Confused, she puts two slices of bread in a toaster when it starts to glow again. She turns around and watches it as it shows her a moving image of a little boy on her street named Joey riding his bike and getting hit by silver a car. Horrified, she runs outside and looks for an accident, but there isn't one. She sighs of relief until she hears a little bell go, and see's a car pull out

 

CHARLOTTE screams JOEY WAIT!

 

JOEY slams on the brake of his bike and wait, looking at her

 

JOEY shouts Thank-you!

 

Another red glow appears so CHARLOTTE runs back inside her house and slams the door, it shows her her toast burning, so she turns around and stops it to see it is just about to burn. She looks at the blob and watches it as the glow dies out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TASK 2-SCRIPT DRAFT (OLD NOT USED)

Task 3-

Amy-

Q Hi there Amy, how are you?

A Cor I'm freezing haha! 

Q Are you a summer or winter person? 

A Oh me I am definitely a winter person, I love the snow and it reminds me of Christmas! I hate the sun I burn instantly

Q What is your favourite food?

A I absolutely love a roast dinner on a Sunday at my nans, been that was since I was a little girl. I love being around my friends and family that's probably why I like Christmas so much 

Q What is your favourite holiday?

A Christmas of course! I can't wait to have my own family to buy presents and cook dinner for and decorate the tree with! Ahh I'm getting excited just thinking about it haha

Q Do you believe in love at first sight?

A Yeah I totally believe in all that romance stuff, I love watching chick flicks and hoping that happens to me haha! How sad... 

Q Do you want to get married one day? And if you do how many times? 

A Yeah I want to get married while I'm still young and I want to stay married! I would hate to get a divorce, I believe that when you marry someone you should be with that person for life

Q What is your favourite movie quote?

A Well my boyfriend loves fast and furious so we watch that all the time and one of the best lines is "ride or die remember" and it's so good. It's like they're own little marriage vowels "til death do us part" haha it's very thrilling and I say it to him all the time 

Q What is your favourite colour? 

A I love white, it's pure and reminds me of snow and wedding dresses, and after a night out I love a paracetamol and a glass of milk, White is just my fav 

Q What is the craziest thing you've ever done? 

A Ahh that would be telling haha! Erm one time when me and Charlotte were younger we went skinny dipping on a camping trip and got caught by the park rangers haha! How embarrassing, thinking about it now is making me cringe! 

Q Who is your idol?

A My idol would have to be my nan, she is amazing and makes the best food, her and my grandad have been married for over 40 years! She is the perfect wife and I love her with all my heart 

Q Arent you a sweetheart! Well that's all for today, thank you for coming in to see us! 

Task 5 - mood board (OLD NOT USED)

TASK 3- SCRIPT DRAFT (OLD NOT USED)

Task 3-

Charlotte- 

Q Hi there Charlotte, we'd love to know what your favourite food is?

A Hey! Well I love chocolate it's my absolute favourite, but Peter makes the best pies!

Q Oo interesting! What's your favourite dog breed? If you can choose one of course!

A Ha! I love French bull dogs because they're so ugly and that makes them cute, they're playful too!

Q Strange answer! Moving on, what kind of music do you like?

A I love listening to the ocean sounds I have on my iPod while I sleep, they really relax me after a long day at work, but other than that I enjoy Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus

Q Whats your favourite colour? 

A I love the colour red, it's so dangerous and sexy, reminds me of myself in some ways

Q What kind of ways?

A Well, I once took a risk to give up my career as a dog walker to become a fortune teller, if that's not dangerous then I don't know what is! 

Q Ahhh risk taking, always a tricky one. What is your ideal date?

A I love going to places like the zoo and the aquarium, they're so magical and I love watching the animals and taking pictures. Then probably out for dinner on the sea front, probably a picnic with one of Peters delicious pies 

Q What are three things on your to do list before you die?

A I want to bungee jump! I also want to be my own boss in careers advising after I made the mistake of becoming too involved, and also to be happy 

Q What is your biggest regret?

A That would have to be not being there for Peter, I still can't believe he is gone, it doesn't feel right 

Q What is the most valuable lesson you have learned in life? 

A I've learned that money can't by happiness, success is nothing if you have no one there to share to with 

Q Aww how nice! What is your favourite clothing brand? 

A Well I love converse shoes, they're perfect for anything and they're so comfy, I don't care what I wear as long as I have my converse shoes on, they rock 

Q What is your most valued possession? 

A Oo tough! That would have to be my old broach my mother gave me that was my grandmas, it's baby blue and beautiful, she wanted it to be my something old and something blue at my wedding but I don't want to get married and she knows that

Well thank you for your time Charlotte it was a pleasure meeting you!